All Women's Talk

We've All Done These 17 Stalkerish Things Once or Twice ...

By Lyndsie

All women stalk, right? All men, too. Let me be clear first: no, I am not in any way advocating stalking. Stalking is bad and dangerous and sick and you should never, ever, ever seriously stalk another person. If someone is stalking you, please, please, please do anything you have to do to keep yourself safe. Now, having said that, I believe that we are all capable of stalkerish things. I am going to prove that theory because I bet all of you have done at least one of the following things. If you haven't, you're probably perfect, and I probably hate you a little, to be honest.

1 Creeped on Old High School Friends

Creeped on Old High School Friends Not because you want to befriend them again and not even because you particularly wish them well. You just want to check up on your old frenemies and make sure your life is way better.

2 Fallen down the Twitterhole

Fallen down the Twitterhole Where you end up reading someone's timeline all the way back to 2012 just to figure out who they are and what they want out of life.

3 Googling Someone New

Googling Someone New A potential boss, a Tinder date, a new colleague, your realtor – anyone you meet gets thoroughly researched.

4 … and then Accidentally Mentioning Something You're Not Supposed to Know

… and then Accidentally Mentioning Something You're Not Supposed to Know Like, oops, you're right, I don't even know you have a dog, I don't know why I asked about Sir Bones-a-lot.

5 Making a Fake Profile

Making a Fake Profile To stalk an ex – that's actually definitely stalkerish, there's no debating this.

6 Fallen into a Black Hole of Google

Fallen into a Black Hole of Google This happens when you're Googling so hard, you end up reading someone's long-defunct LiveJournal and learning all about the existential crises of their teenage years.

7 Blocked Your Number before Calling Someone

Blocked Your Number before Calling Someone Especially if that “someone” happens to be an ex. I do this to Heather when we're in a fight. No shame.

8 Using Swarm to Creep on Someone

Using Swarm to Creep on Someone You know, when you “accidentally” show up where a crush or an ex or a group of friends just checked in.

9 Madly Searching MySpace

Madly Searching MySpace Or Xanga. Or LJ. Or Bebo. Basically, you're an architect trying to unearth someone's entire internet history. Usually, it's for a good purpose, though. Kind of.

10 Liking Insta Pics from Months Ago

Liking Insta Pics from Months Ago This is usually a real accident and occurs during late night stalking. If you're fast, you can fix this.

11 Sending Long Missives to People You Used to Know

Sending Long Missives to People You Used to Know My ex-girlfriend just did this on Instagram. I still don't even know what to say. I kind of just want to send her the Gotye video.

12 Driving past Someone's House

Driving past Someone's House Your crush, your ex, your current hookup – it happens.

13 Or Stalking Google Earth

Or Stalking Google Earth Guilty. That's weird, right? I know it's weird. I'm sorry.

14 Staying Close with an Ex's Family/friends

Staying Close with an Ex's Family/friends Now, to be fair, this can be entirely legitimate, especially if you really loved your ex's family or friends. However, it can also be just a little stalkerish. Sometimes.

15 Accidentally Liking Something an Ex's New Boo Posted

Liqueur, Alcohol, Oh, this is bad. This leads to so much panic.

16 Taking up a Crush's Hobby

Taking up a Crush's Hobby Stalkerish, yes, but also understandable. I mean, you need something to talk about, right?

17 Sub-tweeting and Vaguebooking

Sub-tweeting and Vaguebooking Not stalker behavior, necessarily, but definitely passive aggressive. Oops.

I know, none of you are stalkers for real, but be honest with me – are you a little stalkerish?

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