15 Misconceptions about Feminine Lesbians ...


15 Misconceptions about Feminine Lesbians ...
15 Misconceptions about Feminine Lesbians ...

From pop culture to Gay Pride Parades, misconceptions about feminine lesbians abound. As a lesbian with a penchant for booties and lip gloss, it can be tough to put tired old stereotypes about my identity to rest. But it can be done! Here are 15 misconceptions about feminine lesbians I’ve personally encountered (and countered).

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Feminine Lesbians Are Going through a Phase

This is one of the top misconceptions about feminine lesbians and one that many of you have probably heard, whether lesbian-identified or not. When I first came out as a lesbian, most people in my life were a bit shocked. Far from being a sporty tomboy (I could barely hit a volleyball over the net), I was the princess-loving, straight-looking girly girl everyone thought would go for a guy. In fact, it took several years and one engagement for certain family members to realize that my lesbianism is permanent.


Feminine Lesbians Are Superficial

Beneath the makeup and frilly dresses, feminine lesbians tend to be no more shallow than the rest of the population. Much like our girly straight counterparts, lesbians who slather on the lip gloss can be intelligent, kindhearted, and open-minded –or a combination of all three (and more!). Sexual preference doesn’t determine how a person thinks and acts.


Feminine Lesbians Are Hiding

The easiest way to make me fume is to tell me that my appearance is a cop out, a way to hide my sexual preference in a homophobic society. Oftentimes, feminine lesbians face marginalization at the hands of both LGBT and straight people. When coming out to straight colleagues and family members, reactions range from shock to intrigue. When coming out to non-feminine lesbians, the reaction is often the same, and sometimes with the added assumption that we’re not “out” in our communities or are confused. Do I sound confused?


Feminine Lesbians Are Passive

You’ve probably heard of the stereotypical feminine lesbian who sits in the background, legs crossed and eyelashes batting. And while I’m sure some lady-lovers out there prefer their partners to take the lead, others are dominant. One chilly fall day, I bought a ring and proposed to my then-girlfriend (and now fiancée). ‘Nuff said.


Feminine Lesbians Only Date Butch Women

Think of a lesbian couple. More likely than not, Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres come to mind, Portia’s stilettos matching Ellen’s Converse. But not every feminine lesbian’s heart melts at the sight of a short-haired, men’s clothes-loving gal. Just as straight women have their “types,” the women one feminine lesbian finds attractive can do nothing for the next.


Feminine Lesbians Will Make out with You

If you’re a straight dude or bi-curious girl, don’t expect your feminine lesbian friend to lock lips with you at your command. Feminine lesbian does not equal smooching buddy. After all, do you feel the urge to make out with everyone who passes your table at the bar?


Feminine Lesbians Are Really Bisexuals

The decision to identify as lesbian or bisexual is a highly personal one. If your lady-loving friend identifies as lesbian, you should believe her. Appearance doesn’t dictate sexuality and neither should you.


Feminine Lesbians Think and Act like the Ones on TV

While I’d consider being compared to Emily on “Pretty Little Liars” a compliment, her character doesn’t reflect how I look, think, and feel in real life. Likewise, many feminine lesbians in their late 20s and early 30s aren’t hairdressers and drama queens a la the ladies of “The Real L Word.” Imagine if everyone thought that all straight women acted just like Snooki. Not quite accurate, huh?


Feminine Lesbians Hate Men

One major misconception about feminine lesbians is that if we look like straight women and have many of the same interests as straight women, our same-sex attraction stems from hating men. The lesbian as man-hater is one of the oldest stereotypes in the book, countered by the fact that many of us have male friends –we just don’t want to sleep with them!


The Feminine Lesbian is Always the 'Woman' in a Relationship

When you are in a lesbian relationship, a lot of people believe that there is always a 'man' and that there is always a 'woman,' and just assume that the feminine lesbian is always the 'woman' in the relationship. This is not always the case. In fact, in most same-sex relationships, all of the job responsibilities throughout the house are shared and are more equal.


Feminine Lesbians Have Daddy Issues

This is a huge insult to any lesbian, but one of the biggest misconceptions that lesbians in general face is that they have a ton of daddy issues. Daddy issues can range all over the place, but I'm here to reassure you, lesbians know who they are and they aren't just dating their own sex because of daddy issues.


Feminine Lesbians Get Committed Extremely Fast

While most people instantly believe that when you get two women together, they want to commit to each other instantly, that is not the case. There are feminine lesbians that never commit and they just want to date. Keep that in mind!


Only Feminine Lesbians Wear Lingerie

Lingerie isn't something that only feminine lesbians wear, it is something that any girl, at any time can wear! It's a way for any girl to turn their partner on and it's not just the privilege of a feminine lesbian!


Feminine Lesbians Struggle with a Sexual Identity

While a lesbian of any kind might struggle with their sexual identity in the beginning, as with anyone that is gay, it sorts itself out when they realize just who they are in love with and what gender they are attracted to.


They Are Too Pretty to Be Gay

Finally, a large misconception about feminine lesbians is that they are just too pretty to be gay. This is horrible and another insult. A lesbian doesn't choose who they are attracted to, so it should matter just how pretty she is!

These are 15 of the biggest misconceptions about feminine lesbians. Which ones have you encountered? Do you have any of your own ideas to add to the list?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

@TheodoreHyczko I think you said it best when you said \"I believe.\" There are millions of happy couples and loving parents who don\'t see things and don\'t live their lives the way you do. To them, they aren\'t condoning sin. And that is what they believe. And their beliefs are just as strong as yours. May you be presented with walking in someone else\'s shoes, and awakening to a different lifestyle than the one you personally hold. \"May who is without sin cast the first stone.\" I hope you can travel to a new town or city that welcomes alternative lifestyles with open eyes and open arms and come to see that love is love. And not everyone leads their life by the Bible, because that is where their lives have led them, and as adults, they have the right to decide.

this is an interesting article because it describes my sister perfectly. She is a feminine lesbian, and though her wife is what you would describe as less feminine, my sister is the one proposed in the first place.

Another misconception about lesbians in general that I hate is that just because we're a lesbian we would automatically want to be with your friend whose also a lesbian just because she's a lesbian...

My guy friends always tell me the last one & new people always tell me I don\'t look like a lesbian because I don\'t dress like a man. I\'m getting real tired of these stereotypes.

Finally! And Jayyy I totally agree with you.

I couldn't agree more. My best friend is a lesbian and she says I'm confused. She living with a female to male transgender but I'm confused. Wait I kinda am confused doesn't that technically make her heterosexual?

I appreciate your candor. As a straight woman who has been mistaken for a lesbian just because I am not their definition of a girl, I can identify somewhat having your sexuality misjudged and it sucks! However, the positive flip side of this is it has pushed me to be more compassionate towards the gay community and see each person for who they are!

Amen to that Theodore Hyczko. I feel sorry for this world. Let\'s pray together for all of us to be Godly people

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