Friendships are relationships, too, but people often don’t discuss how to deal with them they way they do with romantic relationships. But, like with any relationship, when someone doesn’t make an effort to see you, you begin to feel like they’re flaky and don’t respect you. Luckily, I’ve learned how to best deal with friends like that, and I’m happy to share my findings with you!
The first part of the battle is all about your mentality. In order to deal with flaky friends, you have to tell yourself not to take it personally. It’s never your fault that someone else bails; you’re putting energy into the friendship and doing everything you should to keep the friendship growing! Someone’s flakiness is not necessarily a reflection on how much they like you or want to hang out with you.
Changing your mindset doesn’t take away that feeling of disappointment you get when your plans suddenly fall through at the last minute. So, make sure all of your plans with that flaky friend are group plans. If you plan a group shopping spree, movie night, etc. and one person doesn’t show up, you can still have fun. No more weekend nights wasted!
Calling someone out on their flakiness can be awkward and even create a rift in the friendship. But a heart-to-heart is different. Explain to your friend that you like them so much you really want to spend time with them, but that their flakiness is getting in the way of that. All that matters is that you’re coming from a place of kindness and sincerity, not scolding them, but instead opening an important dialogue between the two of you.
Nothing is worse then getting ready for a day or night out, only to receive a cancellation text on your way to the car. That’s why whenever you make plans with this friend, feel free to be annoying! Text them several times before your friend-date confirming that they are available. That way, if they cancel, you may have time to make alternate plans and still have a fun day!
Planning a weekend getaway with a flaky friend can be really problematic. If they flake out on the little things, big commitments are probably even harder for them to keep. When it comes to spending time with flaky friends, the more convenient the better. You can make things convenient for them by coming to their place, scheduling a quick coffee meetup or meal, or something else along those lines.
Sometimes flakiness is warranted. If your friend is currently climbing the leadership ladder at her work, or trying to maintain straight A’s and get involved on campus, she may simply be too busy to keep up with social commitments. In this case, it’s important to be understanding and remember not to take anything too personally. On the other hand, if they’re lazy, they may just not feel motivated enough to get dressed and go out some days. They might also be indifferent about the relationship and someone who doesn’t care about getting your hopes up and wasting your time. If the case is one of the last two, maybe you should consider ending the friendship.
Lastly, just don’t deal with them. You don’t have to put up with anything you don’t enjoy. Maybe it’s time to take a break from the friendship and analyze where it’s going. Is she a life long friend, or someone you should cut out of your life for good? Avoid making plans and just see what happens. If they reach out to you, you’ll know that the friendship could be worth salvaging, otherwise, it just wasn’t meant to last.
My biggest pet peeve is probably a flaky friend! I’m sure you’ve had experience with one, or several, too! Hopefully now you know how to deal with them better. How else do you recommend handling a flaky friend?
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