8 Cars a Man Should Never Ever Drive ...

Sure, there’s some cool hippy dude imagery around a vintage Beetle, but it hasn’t been carried forward to the modern designs. Volkswagen makes plenty of cars designed for men, like the Jetta or Passat, so why would you even consider the girl-ified new Beetle?

While to some, the GEO/Chevy Tracker may seem like the ideal blend of “rugged” and “fun” and “youthful,” to me, it also has a dash of “girl.” The same can be said for the Suzuki Sidekick.

Just like the Smart Car, this car is unmanly not because of its eco-conscious engineering but because of its dinky design. There’s something very feminine about having to fold yourself into and out of a Fiat 500, Smart Car, or any other “Speck” of a vehicle.

Simply put, even the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” couldn’t make either of these tiny round convertibles masculine. Don’t even try it. It won’t work.

I’m sure Pontiac didn’t mean for the Sunfire convertible to be a woman car. I’m sure Pontiac meant for the Sunfire convertible to be driven and enjoyed by scores of young men too, but somehow, like the Dodge Neon, this car seems to say “Hi, my name is Becky, and next year, when I graduate from college, I’m trading this in for a new Beetle!”

I know it’s convenient. I know it’s totally cushy inside, with loads of comfort and infotainment options. But your wife’s minivan is one of the biggest no-no’s, because even if you remove all the booster seats and vacuum out all of the ground-up Cheerios and Goldfish crackers, you’ll never be able to peel off the little stick figure family window clings. Remember, only soccer moms can pull off the soccer mom look.

A gigantic, diesel-fumes spewing Chevy, Ford, or Dodge truck may look manly, but it screams one clear message (along with that plume of black smoke): overcompensation. What, love, are you overcompensating for?

When I was in high school, there was a girl whose parents bought her a pink pick-up truck for her sixteenth birthday. Guys, take note: no matter how cool you think that bright pink Neon is, if it’s been wished for or driven by a teenage girl, it’s emasculating, period. Ditto for anything purple or teal, or anything that comes in pink or teal paint as an option, not custom.

So fellas, as long as you’re not driving one of these women’s cars, you ought to be okay! Which cars do you think are masculine, and which would you add to my list of woman cars? Did you ever know a guy who drove one of these? Please let me know!

Top Photo Credit: nimshap