It took me a really long time before I understood the different ways to recognize manipulation. I have always had difficult people in my life, and I'm sure you ladies have also. But I didn't understand that I was being manipulated. I just knew that I always seemed to walk away from those particular people feeling awful about myself and second guessing myself constantly. People manipulate in order to get what they want from others and there are many ways they can do this. This list is just a start in ways to recognize manipulation, and I'm sure a light bulb or two will go off for you as it did for me.
1. Flattery
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Believe it or not, flattery is a common technique that manipulators use. We all love to receive compliments if they are genuine, but have you noticed some people cross the line to flattery in your life? Flattery is a form of seduction and is used to get you to lower your defenses and surrender your trust and loyalty. If your weakness is attention, they will use flattery to their advantage when speaking to you. The flattery can range from praising your appearance and talent, or simply by affirming that you are valued and important. While these comments may be true, a manipulator doesn't necessarily believe them; they use them on everyone, making flattery one of the subtlest ways to recognize manipulation.
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Manipulation is a form of psychological manipulation used by one person to control, influence, or exploit another. It is often used to gain power and control over another person, and can be done in a variety of ways.
One of the most common techniques used by manipulators is flattery. Flattery is a form of seduction, used to lower someone's defenses and make them more trusting and loyal. Manipulators often use compliments to make their targets feel special and important, even if the compliments are insincere.
Another common form of manipulation is guilt-tripping. Manipulators use guilt to control their victims by making them feel guilty for not doing something or for causing pain. Guilt-tripping can be done in a variety of ways such as making threats, blaming the victim for their own problems, or by constantly reminding the victim of past failures.
Manipulators also use fear tactics to control their victims. Fear tactics can include threats of physical violence, emotional abuse, or financial ruin. They may also use fear of abandonment or the fear of being alone to control their victims.
2. Emotional Blackmail
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Blackmail is an obvious sign of manipulation. When someone blackmails you, they are overtly using fear to control you in order to make you do what they want. But what is emotional blackmail? Emotional blackmail is a technique used that makes you believe that if you do X, you are a great friend, daughter, girlfriend, etc. But if you do Y, you are unattractive, bad, dumb, etc.
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3. Attacking Character
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I once had someone I thought was a friend say I would be a horrible mother because my cat whined too much. This is an example of someone attacking your character. Manipulators will resort to just about anything to get what they want from you. At the time, this person wanted my pet out of my life and it wasn't until after the situation ended that I was able to recognize what happened. We all have weaknesses and strengths, this is what makes us human. But if you have someone in your life that attacks your character out of cruelty, this is a sign of manipulation.
4. Make You Uncomfortable
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Have you ever been around someone that blurted out things (about you or others) just to change the emotional atmosphere? Maybe they say inappropriate things in general just to get a reaction, usually a negative one. If someone likes to make you and others feel uncomfortable just for fun, this is a sign of manipulation. While they may think they are being funny, they aren't. And you may find yourself caving in to do what they want just to get them to shut their mouth.
5. Not Straightforward
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This is really close to lying but slightly different. An example of someone not being straightforward would be if they are moving a box and say, "this box is so heavy." This comment could get you to jump up and move it for them, which is what they wanted in the first place. But instead of saying, "Can you help me move this box?" they were not straightforward about it. The problem with this form of manipulation is that the person can get you to do multiple things for them throughout the day and you don't even realize it. It's a form of being passive-aggressive in order to control you. I've learned to recognize this and when I hear a person doing this, I will flip it into the actual question.
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Manipulation is a form of communication that is used to gain control over someone or a situation. It is often used to get what a person wants without having to ask for it directly. Not being straightforward is one of the nine ways to recognize manipulation and avoid it.
In this example, a person is moving a box and says, "this box is so heavy." This comment is a way of getting someone to jump up and move the box for them, without having to ask for help directly. This is a form of passive-aggressive behavior that is used to control the situation.
It is important to recognize the signs of manipulation and avoid it. Other signs of manipulation include lying, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, playing the victim, and using emotional blackmail. All of these tactics are used to gain control over someone or a situation.
It is important to set boundaries and communicate clearly when dealing with manipulative people. It is important to be aware of the signs of manipulation and to be assertive when dealing with manipulative people. It is also important to take care of yourself and to seek professional help if needed.
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6. Lying
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I've always heard lying and manipulation go hand in hand and that's because they usually do. Someone who manipulates isn't being honest in their approach, whether they realize it or not. So the very root of manipulation is lying. If you notice that someone in your life is lying to you, pay attention, ladies. I can't tell you how many times I have noticed a person lied to me and let it slide because it wasn't a "big" lie. Well, as the relationship continued, you better believe those little lies turned into bigger lies and I found myself dealing with a pathological liar who made me feel like I was the "crazy one." You won't win with a liar.
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they often start small. You might brush off a minor untruth, thinking it’s harmless, but these lies can snowball. Before you know it, you’re entangled in a web of deception where the lines of reality are blurred. In my experience, liars gaslight you into questioning your sanity, making it hard to distinguish truth from fiction. Eventually, it erodes your trust and can destroy your self-esteem. Keep an eye out for even the smallest lies, because integrity matters. Remember, honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and without it, manipulation thrives.
7. Blame
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Ah yes, the blame game! Blame can manifest in many ways when you are dealing with manipulation, including denial, playing the victim and playing the servant. Have you dealt with someone who never wants to take credit for their part of the relationship? Maybe they are always the victim, allowing them to constantly blame others (including you). This is a form of manipulation because there is no accountability on their end and this can lead to you doing and saying things you normally wouldn't in a healthy relationship.
8. Guilt
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Seriously, guilt can feel like a prison. And really, it is, ladies! If someone constantly uses guilt-trips on you, that isn't fair. It doesn't have to be overtly done either. I remember one evening I decided to meet some friends at an outdoor music concert. I was dating this guy (not my husband) who was a casebook manipulator and I found that I wasn't able to enjoy the concert. He wasn't calling me to nag about anything, so on the surface it would seem I had no reason to feel this way. But my thoughts were totally on him and what would he eat for dinner, I hope he's okay, etc. One of my friends had to check me and say, "Lezlie, he's a grown man, he can find something to eat." While that was true, I was living in a state of guilt and not able to enjoy my night out with friends. This is a personal example of how guilt can be used to manipulate.
9. Shame
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This example is really sad to me because we shouldn't be ashamed of who we are, ladies! But so often we are, because we believed someone's lies along the way that shamed us. Manipulators will often use shame to control you. An example of this is attacking a part of your body so you won't wear certain clothes. Another example is attacking your thoughts and opinions so you become afraid to speak. If there is someone in your life who does this, it's not a good sign.
I share these points with you out of love because I have had to deal with a few manipulators, unfortunately. The great news is that once you begin to recognize the signs, you can begin to take control back for yourself. Have you ever dealt with manipulation? I'd love to read your thoughts!
Comments
Lezlie: Hi ladies!! I'm so happy this article was helpful! I can definitely relate to many of the things you shared. You're all so strong :). Cheers to healthy relationships .
Belu: Love it! I wish I have read this 2 years ago!!
jess: Omg this was so helpful!!! And true. I have dealt with someone who fit all of these points!! It's really good to know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this kind of person, so thankyou
Carla: someone online tried to use shame at me by posting my nude picture , I knew what they were doing right away and knew I wouldn't let their manipulation control me . they wanted to feel shameful about my body and also they combined manipulation tactics because this person was out for control too over me. I guess he thought he could drive be offline with Shame . he also did it out revenge because I knew his ways and rejected him shortly after the one time cyber took place . he harbored that photo over a year . in the end it just showed me how much of a pathetic fool he was and in result he did the opposite of what he wanted . he empowered me to be strong In my self , love my self no matter what and by not giving into his manipulation and control it gave me immense freedom to laugh at his foolishness online . because all Got was a reminder to himself of all the issues he has and how he is a failure in trying to control someone indestructible by spirit and empowerment . it also made me realize he did the things he did because of his own past traumas which I told myself and know in my heart even as my photo was posted nude in a chat room for three hrs , I knew it was his pain , and issues he was trying to project at me .which is why I never made personal attachment to it . because I love myself and don't regret things done , for if I had not done it , I would not be able to share this empowering post here .:)let your manipulators make u stronger, for in the end it will remind them how they failed and it will remind you how to shine by not attaching to Their ideas or projections of you .shine now and shine always :)
Sequoia: This article is amazing. This probably sounds kind of dumb but I didn't realize that the reason I felt so alone and crazy, is that I was dealing with a lair. This has been very helpful. Thank you!
Tiffany: Unfortunately I know this all too well with family and friends! Thank you for the article!
Jen: #8 and #9 probably the worst experiences for me...this article has def helped my awareness and will try and pause next time someone makes me feel uncomfortable and ask myself where is this coming from...again especially with GUILT , thanx again!!
Raj: Straightforwardness is a quality appreciated by many, followed by a few, and understood by even fewer. Well that was my observation and yours might be different from mine. Still, we will agree that the confusion regarding acceptance and rejection of this human trait is quite huge. We hope to be straightforward in life. No lie, no bending of facts and no diplomacy. I mean, if the situation doesn’t force, then who will desire to do all that? That’s straightforwardness in one form. The other side is that people relate it with rudeness, arrogance, and several other unpleasant attributes. The people in favor will appreciate you for being a straightforward man. On the other hand the people who are not in support of your ideas will criticize you for doing so. My opinion “A man must not be too straightforward because the trees standing straight in forest are chopped out first” Does this mean that it’s bad to be straightforward? Well! It depends on the circumstances and a wise man cannot afford to do it the wrong way. Actually, the straightforwardness is a quality to be admired. Anyhow, when you implement it the wrong way then it becomes a quality to repent. On giving a little thought I was able to conclude it’s applicability. Hopefully you will agree to that. Social Straightforwardness: When dealing with a second person, third person, or a group of persons; we must be careful. The simple rule is that you can only act straightforward when in a situation to bargain. When you are the Boss and things are under your control. If the situation is opposite, speak with lots of sweetness on your tongue. That sounds wicked, but in fact is the simple truth of life. In my opinion accept it. To prevent misinterpretation Straightforwardness has nothing to do with rudeness, impoliteness, anger, or frustration. It has definitely to do much with clarity. Always, think about the consequences and the outcome. It’s not a good idea to invite trouble for the sake of looking bold in front of others. Personal straightforwardness: Despite of all that confusion you must be very clear and straightforward with yourself. I mean your priorities must be crystal clear in your mind. No fog of any sort. The ideal situation will be where you can answer a question in ‘yes’ or ‘no’. The problem is that in many real-life-situations it won’t be possible to do so. When such situation arises then you will require using the ‘discretion‘. When you know who you are, what are your priorities, what you desire to accomplish, and how to accomplish; then most of the problems will get solved automatically. Be straightforward with yourself and don’t allow yourself to cut corners. Raj
cara: Oh my goodness Lezlie this article makes me feel so much better like I did the right thing. I had an issue that dealt with number 8 with friends. They made me feel so guilty till I read this article. I feel the stress lifted off of me. This article couldn't have come at a better time.
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