Do you need some ways to deal with someone you don't want to be friends with? It's really rather awkward when someone wants to make friends with you but you don't really click with them. Sometimes they try a bit too hard to be your friend, and you don't want to bluntly tell them you're not interested. But how can you diplomatically deter someone? Here are some ways to deal with someone you don't want to be friends with:
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1. Be Firm
One of the ways to deal with someone you don't want to be friends with is to be firm and not cave in. Giving in to someone who is persistent will just mean that you end up maintaining a 'friendship' that doesn't mean anything and resenting the other person for imposing themselves on you. Don't let it start, and you won't have to finish it.
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The truth is, not everyone is meant to be friends. It’s important to be selective about who you let into your life, and if someone is making unwanted advances, it’s best to be firm and not cave in. If you give in to someone who is persistent, you risk maintaining a ‘friendship’ that doesn’t mean anything and resenting the other person for imposing themselves on you.
There are several other ways to deal with someone you don’t want to be friends with. For instance, if you’re in the same social circle, you can try to politely ignore them. If they’re trying to start conversations with you, don’t engage or respond to them. Keep the conversation brief and don’t give away too much information about yourself.
If they’re not part of your social circle, you can try to be honest with them. Let them know that you’re not interested in being friends and that you don’t feel comfortable with the situation. It’s important to be direct and respectful, and let them know that their advances are unwanted.
You can also try to be assertive.
2. Remain Friendly
Even if you don't want to be friends with someone, you should still maintain a courteous attitude towards them. There's a difference between being friends and being friendly; the latter doesn't mean that you'll be encouraging them. You can still be civil, so try to resist being rude in an attempt to put them off.
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It's important to remember that you don't have to be friends with everyone you meet. Nonetheless, it's important to remain friendly and civil even when you don't want to be friends with someone. This means that you should still be polite and courteous even if you don't want to encourage them. Avoid being rude or hostile, as this could make the situation worse. Remember that being friendly doesn't mean that you have to be friends with someone, but it does mean that you should treat them with respect.
Frequently asked questions
If you no longer want to be friends with someone, it's important to be honest yet kind. Let them know gently that you feel your paths are going in different directions and that while you value the time spent together, you're needing to focus on different things in your life right now.
Try to limit your interactions with them by changing your routine a bit if possible, like taking a different route or hanging out in different places. If you bump into them, be polite but keep the conversation short and excuse yourself as soon as you can.
Ignoring someone can seem rude and may cause hurt feelings. It's better to set clear boundaries in a polite way. If they're not respecting your space, you can choose to not respond to their attempts to communicate, but do so with consideration for their feelings.
Directly telling someone you don't want to be their friend can be hurtful. It’s usually kinder to gradually distance yourself. If you must be direct, choose your words carefully, express your feelings without blaming them, and try to preserve their dignity.
If someone isn't understanding your cues to distance, you may need to be more direct. Have an honest discussion explaining that you need to step back from the friendship. Be firm but respectful, and give concrete reasons if possible, focusing on your own feelings and needs.
3. Impose Limits
If you don't mind this person too much, but you just don't want to be friends with them, try setting limits on your dealings with them. Perhaps you don't mind hanging around with them as part of a group, or having the occasional coffee. If so, try to ensure that you only see them under these circumstances.
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Establishing boundaries with someone you're not keen on befriending doesn't have to be harsh. Politely decline one-on-one invitations and suggest group activities instead. If they reach out to make plans, be diplomatic; use phrases like "I think it would be more fun if we all got together," steering the dynamic towards comfortable group interactions. Remember, consistency is key in maintaining these limits, so stick to your social comfort zone without feeling guilty. Even in a close-knit circle, it's perfectly fine to have varying levels of friendship within the group.
4. Avoid Them
Some persistent would-be friends really don't get the hint, and keep on trying to make friends with you. In such a situation, avoiding them may be the best option. Above all, make sure that they don't get hold of your number, or you could be fielding calls all the time. This can also be the best way of dealing with someone who is offended that you don't return their interest.
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If avoidance seems to be your last resort, try to tactfully distance yourself without being harsh. This could mean politely declining invitations or being less available for interactions. You might need to adjust your routine or choose different hangout spots if you frequently bump into them. Remember, it's important to remain cordial and respectful even when setting these boundaries. Be clear but kind, as you would not want to hurt someone's feelings unintentionally. Creating this personal space could communicate your intentions without the need for a confrontational situation.
5. Be Unavailable
If someone you don't want to be friends with gets hold of your number don't answer their calls. It may be a bit cowardly to avoid answering them, but eventually they will get the message and stop calling. And if they ask you face to face if you want to do something on a specific date, tell them you're not free then.
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Creating space can be a gentle move towards setting boundaries. If they text, consider replying late or with short, unengaging responses. Making yourself less available sends a subtle signal that you are not interested in deepening the connection without having to have a direct, possibly uncomfortable, conversation. Just ensure you're consistent with this approach. If you occasionally send mixed signals by being warm and conversational, they might miss the hint. Remember, keeping your well-being in mind, it's okay to choose who you invest your time and energy in.
6. Be Busy
Don't feel guilty about saying no to someone if you don't have the time or inclination to be friends with them. It's kinder to both of you than going along with something you don't want to do. If they invite you to something directly, then explain that you are too busy at the moment, even if you have to do so every time they ask.
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Remember, your time is precious and it's important to set boundaries for engagements and relationships that don't align with your personal values or schedule. It's perfectly acceptable to have prior commitments or to prioritize your self-care and personal projects. You can be gracious yet firm when expressing your unavailability, ensuring that you convey a sense of respect while preserving your own space. Over time, your consistent stance will help establish your boundaries clearly without causing undue offense to others.
7. Find Them Another Friend
Perhaps you really don't have anything in common with this person, but you know someone else who does. In that case, you could play friend matchmaker and introduce them. And if they don't want to be friends either, simply give them the link to this article and they'll know what to do!
You don't have to be friends with someone if you don't want to, so don't feel obliged. Just be polite about explaining that you don't have time/would rather not meet for coffee etc. Have you ever been pestered by someone who wouldn't take no for an answer?
Comments
Alice: There is a guy in my school who keeps trying to talk to me when Im busy with other people. ITS SUPER ANNOYING. He wont shut up, and if I dont spend time with them he gets all sad and depressed
Anonymous: I just hate everything right now. This person is not my friend but inserts herself into my life. It’s so wrong😞
Molly: I have a friend that don't like anymore. She's a bitch and is soooo self-absorbed. so I was wondering... how do I hurt her emotionally?
Bob: What if they smell like really bad?
Isabella: Ok well i'm 24 and i have a 20 year old girl i knew from class at college. We hung out for a few months but i just didn't 'click' with her, and she'd text me all the time with exactly this: "Hey Isabella 😃" as if she wanted something from me. She hasn't texted for ages and i thought she got the point, but just last week she texted again (sigh) advice, anyone??
MyName: I tried all those things and the guy pushed sex on me and now I have a child? What do I do?
Catherine: Ended up blocking a couple on my mobile phone, who were inviting themselves over, and they never recipricated. We didn't want to be friends, but they wouldn't take no for an answer. We didn't even know their surname, let alone where they lived. Felt uneasy with their constant quest for personal information, so avoided places where they went, and blocked them. We went 2 months, then they unexpectedly turn up at our home, mid evening. They tried to invite themselves in, by saying they needed the loo, but were told to go away! So angry, and feel as though we are being stalked!
MyName: They are doing that to you because they don't like you and want to hurt or embarrass you. Sadly they are in control.
Stella: The person in my life is an old acquaintance from 25 years ago who has tried to stay in contact with me. I moved out of state and have had very little contact with her in 27 years. At one point she planned a visit and insisted on staying with us. Not wanting to hurt her feelings we endured it. Over the years she makes the annual phone call and tries to play catch-up. Im cordial. But now, out of the blue, they have moved to my state. Purposely looking for a place 40min away. Paid $17,000 over asking price to get the house!! Now they constantly call and try to set up "visit" days or dinners at their house. They tell people that we're good friends that have known eachother for decades, when in actuality we were only acquaintances who had mutual friends and only occasionally did anything together. She calls every other day and keeps me on the phone for an hour each time. She gets her feelings hurt if I don't reciprocate her eagerness to nourish this relationship. I want to MOVE!!!! Her husband encourages her to call me, visit, me and set up visits. Her husband us now trying to befriend my husband who is an elder in our faith and can't easily turn away ones who wish to visit with HIM. I like all people, however I am an introvert and don't require getting out much, receiving visits, or talking on the phone. I have friends, but my husband is my closest friend....my home is my personal space. I feel I'm being almost harassed into accepting her pushy advances into my life.
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