If you’re struggling with how to deal with people who talk about you behind your back, I have some tips for you! I struggled with this my entire youthhood, and can honestly say, I wish I hadn’t cared so much. People can be cruel, especially when you’re young. Yet, even women who are adults have to deal with this issue, as do many men out there. Whether you’re young or old, check out some simple ways for how to deal with people who talk about you behind your back. I promise, if someone who is as sensitive to hurtful comments as I am can learn these, anyone can!
1. Don't Let the Person "win"
This tip was generously shared by one of our readers, Salma T. Thanks Salma!
I think it's really important to always remember that the person who's talking about you has gone down to a very low level to try and hurt you, and that you should always be the better person and not get mad about it and lash out at the person. As long as you ignore the person and the issue, that person will never get the satisfaction of knowing that they won the "fight".
Please feel free to add your own point at the end of the post. We'd love to hear from you!
2. Consider the Source
One of the first tips for how to deal with people who talk about you behind your back is to consider the kind of person who’s actually doing it. Most of the time, it’s someone who has to compete with you somehow, whether as a colleague, other female, or team mate. Even your friends are in competition with you at some point in life, so if that's who talking about you behind your back, keep this in mind. Usually, they’re trying to gain something in favor of someone else by talking about you. Remember that most of the time, the person talking about you is only doing so for their gain, or that they just don't know how to deal with a mature relationship. Remember that before taking the next steps.
3. Confront Them
The next thing you should do is to confront the person talking about you, but in a responsible, calm way. Don’t ask them why, because that doesn’t matter. Instead, tell them how hurt you are, and that you truly hate they feel that way, but you don’t appreciate them talking about you behind your back, especially if it isn't true. Confronting them puts you in control, and shuts the door on them talking about you. Even if they continue to talk about you behind your back, you’ve at least shown them you’re aware of it, and usually, this prevents them from doing so in the future.
4. Don’t Worry about It
I know this sounds easier said than done, but truly, you can’t worry what people say about you all the time. Life is short, and your life is not going to be made up of what people say about you behind your back.
5. Move on
Next, move on about your business. Get new friends, and show other people that what the person who is talking about you behind your back isn’t true. This is the best way to “get back” at another person talking about you - not lashing out.
6. Remember You’re Better
Next, remember that you’re better than the low level the person talking about you behind your back has stooped to. Don’t give in to temptation to get mad, pout, and acting juvenile about it. Be an adult and move on about your business.
7. Tap into Your Backbone
The great thing about other people talking about you, is it gives you a backbone! You’ll want to make sure to tap into that backbone now more than ever. What I mean by this is, you’ve got to develop some tough skin. Others talking about you is part of growing up. Get strong, and write it off!
8. Think about More Positive Things
You can’t sit around and focus on what someone says about you behind your back. You’ll drive yourself crazy, and you’re not going to change anything. Being mad initially is natural, but after that, pick yourself up and move on, and think about something more positive instead! Your precious energy and talents shouldn’t be wasted concentrating on negative and usually untrue things, that someone is saying about you behind your back.
Learning and implementing these things has really helped me over the years, and I hope they will for you too. If you’ve learned something helpful about how to deal with people who talk about you behind your back, do you mind sharing it? What have you learned about people that chat about you when you’re not around?