There are many signs of insecurity to look out for. Insecurity is defined as lack of confidence or assurance; it also points to feelings of self doubt. We've all felt insecure at times in our lives, that's normal. But if you find that you or someone close to you dwells in insecurity, that's probably not normal. The following signs of insecurity are a good starting point to help you assess if it's time to take a good look in the mirror.
1. Control Freak
One of the first signs of insecurity is the need to be a control freak. The need to control can definitely stem from fear, and fear often goes hand in hand with insecurity. Does your boyfriend like to control what you wear? Do you have to be in control of what you and your friends do? Pay attention to controlling behavior and consider the root. No one wants to be controlled.
Sometimes people are so insecure about themselves that they have to lash out and pick on others in order to make themselves feel better. This behavior is bullying and it's not right. If you are a secure person you don't need to pick on others in order to make yourself feel better. The only person that you are competing against in this life is you.
Have you known someone who can't stop talking about how amazing they are? Have you also noticed them share personal insecurities? It's not unusual for people to try to overcompensate for their lack of confidence with elevating themselves. Secure people are confident and insecure people are arrogant.
Jealousy is the ugly green monster that all of us have had to face at some point. I once heard that a boy makes a girl jealous of other girls while a man makes other women jealous of his woman. I think that feeling jealous occasionally is normal, but if you are always jealous of other women then it may be time to start being grateful for what you have and stop comparing yourself to others. If you are always jealous around the person you are with then have an honest discussion with them to see if it's you or them.
Are you able to give and receive compliments? I have this friend who, no matter what, will always deflect a compliment if I give her one. If I tell her that her hair looks great she will immediately respond with, "Oh, it's so oily and I need a haircut asap." Or she will bounce the attention back to me and say something like, "Not as great as your hair looks." Cut it out, ladies! And if you find that you can't give a compliment to another woman then that's insecurity too. Next time you have a kind thought towards someone, take a chance and tell them.
6. Eye Contact
A firm handshake is important and so is the ability to look at people in their eyes. It's true, our eyes are the windows to our souls. And while you may not want everyone to have access to who you are, it's good to be able to look at them and allow them to look at you. Next time you find yourself trying to dodge eyeballs, force yourself to hold your ground and keep looking.
7. People Pleasing
Henry David Thoreau once said, "I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time." I can't stress this enough, ladies: you have to learn to say no, especially if you are saying yes to others but in your heart you are saying no to yourself. When your heart and mind aren't in agreement it will cause internal conflict and add to your insecurity. Secure people are able to say no and understand that it doesn't make them a bad person.
Are you able to take constructive criticism? I don't mean allowing people to attack your character, but you should be able to hear honest feedback from people that you love and trust. Eventually you should be able to take constructive criticism from strangers as well. You know why? You aren't perfect and neither am I. Secure people understand that life is an ongoing process of maturity and that means that you will have to be able to make adjustments along the way.
This can correlate with arrogance. It's fine to have nice things if you can afford it, but your possessions shouldn't define who you are. Prada shoes are nice, I found a pair for $40 and you know what? I love them. But the fact that I own a pair of Prada shoes doesn't make me a better woman.
Are you insecure? I used to have a ton of insecurities. Quite honestly, what helped me become secure was realizing that I am unique and there is no need to compare myself to others. The same goes for you, lady. No one else is like you on this planet.