There are plenty of ways to drive your boss crazy, plenty of ways to lose your job too, not to mention all implications of that to make following up on that first plain difficult! But hey, no need to act like you’ve never even secretly wondered how to drive boss crazy! And here are a few ideas on ways for driving boss mad to help you imagine what that would be like. Strictly hypothetically, of course!
1. Be Constantly Late
Doubt anyone would be brave enough to use this but hey it’s no secret that being late is one of those fool-proof ways to drive your boss crazy! For best result, make sure you’re late at least three days a week and don’t use no baby steps when you’re at it! Anything between the academic 15 and two hours is perfect but stick to an hour in case you’re not sure! Chronic tardiness is one of the best ways to acquire a serious number of people who’d pay good money to have you surgically removed from their lives and I’m sure your boss is not likely to be an exception.
2. Abuse Sick Days
Copy-paste a movie scene despite the fact that you know things don’t happen that way in real life. Just wake up one morning, call in sick like 15 minutes before you’re supposed to show up for work and spend the rest of the day enjoying your life! Now, if that doesn’t tick your boss off, I don’t know what will! Wait, strike that, I do know! Develop a chronic case of whateveritis and make a habit out of being sick! Don’t overdo it, though, because this way for driving boss mad needs to be exercised with care and precision.
3. Update Your List of Excuses
If you’re going to slack off, you really must become a pro at it! And nothing says “rookie” more than those on-the-go-excuses! Work out a different excuse for each day of the week then use them liberally until your boss realizes assigning your tasks a colleague of yours would be a more productive option. Not sure if this way to drive your boss crazy will do anything but get you fired eventually but hey, let’s not forget we’re in the “hypothetical” zone here.
4. Move Things around
Still wondering how to drive your boss crazy? Well, in case you work closely and you have access to his office, you may get your kicks out of moving stuff around then pretending they had been there from day one. Oh and repeat yourself! Most definitely repeat yourself then be like, "Me? Nope, you've got to be mistaking"! No one will be able to resist your “charms”!
5. Be the Office Mole
Most unpopular of all, less appealing than an apartment building neighbor who spends her days and nights peeking through the peephole and minding other people's business– if your goal is to not only find ways to drive your boss crazy but acquire a serious bad reputation, becoming an office mole is the way to go! Swap or steal people’s lunches, hide the staplers, make sticking your nose into other people’s business your personal goal and most definitely keep track of everyone coming too late or leaving too early! You’ll risk being burned at the stake but hey… how many other people (not including Kanye West and Kim Kardashian) can get to say the same thing nowadays?
6. Hum While You Work
Completely legal and with a low risk of actually ending up jobless, this way for driving boss mad might actually be something you can use. Choose a popular song/theme and hum it at least five times a day! Better yet, polish your multitasking skills to perfection so you could hum it all day long! Choose you boss' favorite song in case you want your actions to leave a permanent mark or go for something more generic in case you’re not a total meanie!
7. Mess Files up
When my dad asked his assistant to copy a diskette for him, a copy of a diskette is exactly what he got! And I mean literally…a Xerox copy! Still not sure whether she did that just to piss him off but hey, I’ve spent a couple of months filling in the same position and yup… I can totally see where that might have come from! LOL! Anyways, guess you didn’t think your computer improficiency might prove to be one of the most perfect ways for driving boss nuts but hey – guess again! Make sure your charts can’t be moved around like a single object, act as if creating PDF documents were nuclear physics and basically try really hard to get the job done but fail…miserably!
8. Ask Questions
Last on my list of ways to drive your boss crazy is something powerful enough to make a sloth on life support want go Freddy Krueger on you – the “WHY” questions! Forget about the constructive inquiries and stick to the ones with no real potential for helping you accomplish the given task faster or better! “Why do you need that”, “why is that so”, “Why that way”, “Why today”… you get it. This shrink-like approach! And you know how much everyone loves shrinks!
Have I mentioned this post is made for fun only? And with that said - Hope you’re not planning to really compete for the World’s Worst Employee title! But hey, in case you do, now you know everything there is to know about all ways to drive your boss crazy! And in case you don’t, hope you at least got to have a few laughs and maybe even an occasional evil grin. But, tell me – do you happen to have a fresh idea or a cool safe way to drive boss your boss crazy and would you ever stoop to these?