When you don’t have kids of your own, sometimes it can be difficult to stay connected with your new mom friends. They are going through a new experience with many sleepless nights and stressful baby cries. So how do you two still relate when you don’t know what to say when she starts talking about breast feeding or nasty diaper smells? Don’t worry because I’m here to help with great ways to stay connected with your new mom friends...
When she is stressing out, keeping her calm and being a shoulder to lean on is a wonderful way for you to stay connected with your new mom friends. Be there for her the same way you would be there for any friend who is having a horrible day or week. You can just listen and give her subtle “I know, sweety,” or “I can’t imagine,” so she knows you care. Or you can tell her stories of your childhood that your mom shared with you so she knows she’s not alone. Every mom goes through the newborn stage of a baby who does three things: eats, sleeps, and poops! This time can be very difficult for your new mom friends, so just keep her calm and let her know that you’re still here for her, even if you don’t know what she’s going through.
Just because she’s a new mom, doesn’t mean that she isn't the woman you knew before baby came along. Talk to her about what you normally would talk about; your favorite TV shows, current events, social gathers, etc. This is also a nice way to keep her in the loop, because more than likely she hasn’t been to many social gatherings lately. However, don’t go overboard and make her feel depressed because she hasn’t been involved in things other than changing a diaper and learning why her baby is crying at 3 AM.
Send your new mom friend a gift basket of things she enjoys or perhaps a nice bath and body set that she can use to relax while her significant other watches the baby. If she is breast feeding, remember not to include any alcohol in the basket. When the baby is about six months old, you can surprise them with a gift card to go out on the town and offer to babysit. Every new mom needs a little “me time” or “us time,” so a nice surprise like this will show her you understand that she has a lot going on right now.
Talk to other mom friends, your own mom, or even your grand-mom, and ask them to write down advice that would be helpful for your new mom friend. You can either put this on an index card box, in a baby scrapbook, or email it to her along with mommy website links. Include tips from every generation, because moms of all ages have different styles of parenting, baby items they favor, and tricks to soothe a crying baby that your friend may not have thought about before.
The first few months are pretty crazy, her little one is up all hours of the day and night. When you are a new parent you don't think about the things you need anymore, you are thinking about what your baby needs. So why not see if your new mom friend needs something from her favorite store, or maybe she just can’t make the long trip to the farmer’s market like she used to. Call her up and ask her if there is anything you can get for her while you’re out running your own errands. She will appreciate this call and love you for life!
Don’t be too shy to call her up to schedule a visit to see her new little bundle of joy. She may tell you that she’s in her sweats, her hair is a little wild, and there are dishes in the sink, but remind her that you understand and don’t care about the mess! You can also offer to do her dishes or watch the the baby while she gets in a much needed nap.
A very important way to stay connected, believe it or not, is to just give her time. She isn’t neglecting your phone calls or emails on purpose, she just has her hands full right now. Don’t push away your new mom friends by not being there when they are ready to hang out again, just give them time and understanding. It’s not just the first few months, it’s the first few years that are very new for them. However, after about three months or so, they may have things a little bit more under control and can make that lunch date you’ve been looking forward to.
What are some ways you’ve stayed connected with your new mom friends? Are you a new mom and are looking for ways to stay connected with friends who don’t have children?