All Women's Talk

7 Tips for Handling a Tiff with Your Mom That Actually Work ...

By Heather

Having a fight with your mom is the worst, but there are some great ways of handling a tiff with your mom that you might find useful next time it happens to you. I usually end up going through a cycle of anger, confusion, hurt, tears, and then of course, an endearing makeover. I can never stay mad at my mom for long. After all, she is my best friend. Plus, she forgives me enough that I can definitely learn to do the same when I get my feelings hurt too. I’ve often felt misunderstood by my mom, but also never felt more connected to, or loved by someone either. Try these tactics for handling a tiff with your mom. I hope they work for you as well as they have me!

1 Calm down

It’s easy for us to get incredibly upset when fighting with our mom, which makes handling a tiff with your mom extremely difficult. Try your best to calm yourself down. I have often said things out of intense upset or impulsive action, and wish I hadn’t later. Your mom will react to you so much better if you argue in a calm manner, versus an intense dramatic one. Even if things heat up later, try to calm down the best you can in the beginning.

2 Don’t Say Something Too Soon

How often have we let something fly out of our mouths without giving it a second thought? Later, we’d do anything to take back words that hurt our mom so much, or the things we said that we really didn’t mean. Check yourself before you open your mouth and really think about what you say. If you really have something to say that is upsetting you, don’t do it without thinking things through first. Remember, you can never take it back once it’s left your lips.

3 Don’t Use the Word “you”

This is a great argument tip anyone can use with anybody out there. Whenever you’re in a tiff, especially with your mom, don’t say “You don’t do this,” or “You can’t ___”. The reason why you shouldn’t use this tactic is because it causes the other person to throw up defenses immediately, which won’t get you very far. When people feel attacked in an argument, especially a woman, they become defensive and they shut down. Instead of using accusing language, try expressing yourself by saying, “I feel that….” This lets the other person see your feelings from the other side, and will help your mom hear what you’re feeling, not just what you’re accusing her of.

4 Tell Her You Love Her

Even if you’re mad at your mom, remind her that you love her and you don’t like fighting with her. This lets your mom know that even though you might not know how to handle the situation and that you’re angry, that you honestly do love her and want to make things work.

5 Think about Her Side

Oh, I really hate this one, but it’s so important! We don’t really like thinking about where the other person, or our mom in this case, is coming from in terms of an argument. Yet, it is very important to do so, to be sure you’re not overreacting on your side of the tiff. Can you see her side on any level? Try to rationalize with yourself about what you are arguing about. If she is truly in the wrong, or at least you feel she is, at least tell her that you’re sorry you don’t understand why she feels the way she does. This at least lets her know you’ve considered her side of the story, and you can talk things out from there.

6 Sit down to Argue

Don’t ever stand and argue. It makes it easier for one person to leave the room angry, mad and in an attempt to escape. Instead, make yourself sit down and have a grown up conversation. This will get your further than standing, pointing, yelling, and possibly leaving the room ever will. It also creates a more intimate physical relationship that helps people calm down naturally.

7 Leave Her a Note

If it truly still ends badly at the end of the tiff, the best thing you can do is leave her a note. I’ve done this for years, and though my mom and I may still disagree, it is a great way to let her know you are sorry you got into an argument with her, but that you’d like her to try to see your side. Write out how you feel, what you wish she understood, and what makes you angry. And don’t forget to tell her you love her at the end, ok? Notes are great and always underrated.

What’s your tip for handling a tiff with your mom? I’d love to hear more!

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