SpongeBob and Patrick. Chester and Jesse (from “Dude, Where’s My Car?”). The entire cast of "The Hangover" and "Jersey Shore." The list of idiot friends goes on, and each pair tells you a little something more about the girl (or guy) in your circle of friends who fills that role. They’re often frustrating, seldom reliable, but somehow endearing. How can you tell who in your circle is the Patrick to your Squidward? Here are 8 sure signs of an idiot friend.
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Sleeps Til Noon
I’m probably only listing this because I’m insanely jealous — I don’t get to sleep til noon, so no-one else should get to, either! But sleeping late (and being slovenly in sleep habits in general) is indeed one of the trademarks of an idiot friend.
Having an idiot friend can be a source of amusement, but it can also be a source of frustration. One of the sure signs of an idiot friend is sleeping late. While it may seem like a harmless habit, it can be indicative of a lack of responsibility and a disregard for other people's time and schedules.
Idiot friends may not understand the importance of getting a good night's sleep and may not be aware of the consequences of not getting enough rest. For example, lack of sleep can lead to decreased productivity, difficulty concentrating, and irritability. It can also lead to long-term health problems such as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.
Another sign of an idiot friend is poor hygiene. Idiot friends may not take the time to shower regularly, brush their teeth, or change their clothes. Poor hygiene can lead to social awkwardness, as well as physical health problems, such as skin and respiratory infections.
Idiot friends may also be irresponsible with money. They may be careless with spending, not understanding the importance of budgeting or saving. They may also be careless with borrowing, not understanding the consequences of not paying back loans and credit cards.
Wholly Unreliable
You’ve asked your friend to pick you up from school at 3, and she finally shows up at 3:50, after you’ve been waiting in the pouring rain, harassed by teenage boys in their dad’s minivan, and nearly eaten by a bear. Her excuse is paper thin, but she did show up, didn’t she? Another sign of an idiot friend.
Frequently asked questions
We all have those off days, right? But if your friend consistently makes poor decisions or says things that make you question their intelligence, it might be more than just a bad day. Trust your gut!
It's not about being mean—sometimes friends notice things about each other that others don’t. But if you're concerned, try talking to your friend compassionately. Maybe they can explain their behavior.
First, try to understand why they act that way. If it’s impacting your relationship, consider having an honest conversation. It’s okay to need a little space sometimes too.
Totally possible! Some people act a certain way because they think it’s entertaining or they want attention. Pay attention to the context and see if it fits their personality.
Absolutely. Who you hang out with can influence your mood and decisions. If your friend’s actions are dragging you down, it might be worth thinking about how much time you spend together.
Drunk Texting or Calling at Night
I can’t tell you how many nights of good sleep were interrupted by a giggling or sobbing idiot friend, or worse, a bored or simply drunk idiot friend. Seriously? This discussion about how great Doritos are can’t wait until morning?
Always Losing Something
One of my dearest friends, bless her heart, may be turning out to be something of an idiot friend — the big red flag is that she is always, always losing things. Her car keys. MY car keys. Her left shoe. MY right shoe. It’s a little annoying, and while it’s almost always a sure sign of disorganization, it can often be a sign of an idiot friend.
Great Sense of Humor
This is probably one of the reasons we keep our idiot friends around — they made us laugh harder than Dane Cook and LOLCATS put together. Ms. Friend is just plain hilarious, and nothing ever seems to bring her down.
Even when you're having the absolute worst day, her infectious laugh and perfectly-timed quips can slice through the gloom. She's the queen of memes and viral vids, always there to lighten the mood with a fantastic zinger that only an idiot savant of comedy could deliver. And let's be honest, when she's not around, life seems just a tad bit grayer. Sure, her jokes might occasionally make you roll your eyes, but you wouldn't trade her brand of wit for the world.
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Always Seems to Get by
Nearly every idiot friend I’ve ever had has always managed to get by, no matter how many weird jobs they’ve had and quit, no matter what kinds of scrapes they get themselves into. How do I, Miss Straight-and-Narrow, get in all sorts of trouble, but my idiot friends float through life, unfazed?
Idiot friends are often characterized by their ability to get by in life without any major issues. They seem to have a knack for bouncing back from any difficult situation, no matter how many jobs they quit or how many scrapes they get into. This can be incredibly frustrating for those who are more responsible and try to stay out of trouble, as it seems that the idiot friend is able to get away with anything. Despite this, idiot friends can often be fun and entertaining, making them a great companion for any social situation.
Completely Loyal
Every idiot friend I’ve ever had has been fiercely loyal, almost to a fault. In the words of David Sedaris, they’re also a poor judge of character, which is why they’re still friends with me. My idiot friends stick by me, no matter what. And I adore them for it.
Their unwavering support often means they'll dive into any harebrained scheme you cook up, no questions asked. They'll defend you vigorously in front of naysayers, even if deep down they know you're borderline absurd. But that's the beauty of it—no matter how wild or improbably ambitious my plans are, I can always count on them to back me up with an infectious enthusiasm that somehow makes even the most outlandish ideas seem possible.
Sweet, but Dumb
Okay, idiot friends. This isn’t an insult, it’s kindly meant but completely true. You’re as sweet as can be, but you’re not terribly bright. You may know all about algebra or horse breeding or how to change the oil in your car, but aside from these few odd talents, you’re … dumb. Sweet! But dumb. But I love you this way!
Review the list of your friends and compare them against this list — who is she? Or he? With so many signs of an idiot friend, she (or he) has to be easy to pick out… I know how mine are, and I adore them… and I have a sneaking suspicions I might be an idiot friend sometimes, too! What about you? How did you pick out the idiot friend in your circle? Do tell!
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