Friends should be people you can trust to always tell you the truth. So if you find out they've been lying to you it's a real let-down. Can you ever trust them again? Does it mean the end of the friendship? Not always. Ditching your friend may not be the best way to handle her lies. So here's how to deal with your friend lying to you …
First of all, how do her lies affect you? Are they just irritating rather than a major problem? For instance, lies which have a serious impact on others or herself are more concerning, or if she expects you to lie for her. If she's just boasting about places she hasn't been to, in order to impress people, that's silly but won't have serious consequences.
Also ask yourself if you can really trust your friend. Feeling that you can't trust someone has ruined many friendships and relationships. If you know that she's generally trustworthy, then insignificant lies like pretending to be busy when she doesn't want to go out isn't a big deal. But if she's lying about important things, that's another matter.
Trust is the foundation of any strong friendship, and it's important to distinguish between harmless white lies and deceptive patterns that could hurt you. If her lies are causing rifts in your relationship or affecting your mental well-being, it's essential to address the issue. Consider the context of her lies and your own boundaries. Are these lies a sign of a deeper problem or simply a coping mechanism for her own insecurities? Honest communication about your feelings may help resolve the trust issues and either mend or reassess the future of the friendship.
Depending on the nature of the lies your friend tells, being cautious about what you tell her may be an option. Let's say she's known for embellishing and exaggerating the facts. You could handle this by avoiding telling her anything that she could exaggerate. If she doesn't know about things, she can't lie about them.
It might be wise to share only surface-level details or unimportant tidbits. For anything personal or significant, consider if it's worth the risk of her potential storytelling. Remember that trust is a two-way street, and if she's prone to fabrication, she may need to earn back your confidence before getting the full scoop on your life's happenings. Steer conversations towards neutral topics where the stakes of dishonesty are low, and thus less damaging to your peace of mind.
Sometimes, talking to your friend about her behavior is the best way of changing her behavior. Telling her that you're upset by her actions may work, providing she's capable of listening to constructive criticism. If she cares about you, she'll be ready to change her ways.
When you express your feelings, be honest and direct about the impact of her lies. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory—say something like, "I feel hurt when I hear something from you that isn't true." It's important to communicate the seriousness of the issue without escalating the situation. Let her know that trust is a cornerstone of your relationship, and it's being undermined. By showing vulnerability, you provide her with an opportunity to see the consequences of her actions and to make amends.
Do you understand what is making your friend tell lies? Perhaps she is worried about something or feels inadequate. She may pretend that she earns more money because she's trying to keep up with wealthier friends. Reassure her that her income isn't the most important thing and that you like her for what she brings to your friendship.
It's crucial to dig deeper into her fears or insecurities that may be spawning these untruths. If she's masking aspects of her life, perhaps she's facing pressure to meet certain expectations or to protect her self-esteem. Show empathy and make it clear that you’re there for more than just superficial reasons; real friendships transcend material status or life achievements. By fostering a safe and understanding space, she might feel less compelled to hide behind falsehoods.
If you have a friend who tells lies, but you don't want to break off the friendship, don't take her word for it when she tells you anything. For instance, she may tell you that someone you know is pregnant when they aren't, and you put your foot in it when you congratulate them! Check facts for yourself, and avoid any faux pas or upsets.
Ultimately, if your friend is a chronic liar you may need to ask yourself if that is the kind of person you want in your life. These people can be damaging and hard to trust. So if her lies are upsetting you, and she won't listen when you ask her to stop, you may need to reassess whether it's worth having her around.
We're all economical with the truth sometimes; if George Washington actually said 'I cannot tell a lie' he was probably lying! Have you ever been caught out in a lie?