Friends should be people you can trust to always tell you the truth. So if you find out they've been lying to you it's a real let-down. Can you ever trust them again? Does it mean the end of the friendship? Not always. Ditching your friend may not be the best way to handle her lies. So here's how to deal with your friend lying to you …
1. How do the Lies Affect You
First of all, how do her lies affect you? Are they just irritating rather than a major problem? For instance, lies which have a serious impact on others or herself are more concerning, or if she expects you to lie for her. If she's just boasting about places she hasn't been to, in order to impress people, that's silly but won't have serious consequences.
2. Can You Trust Her
Also ask yourself if you can really trust your friend. Feeling that you can't trust someone has ruined many friendships and relationships. If you know that she's generally trustworthy, then insignificant lies like pretending to be busy when she doesn't want to go out isn't a big deal. But if she's lying about important things, that's another matter.
3. Be Cautious What You Tell Her
Depending on the nature of the lies your friend tells, being cautious about what you tell her may be an option. Let's say she's known for embellishing and exaggerating the facts. You could handle this by avoiding telling her anything that she could exaggerate. If she doesn't know about things, she can't lie about them.
4. Tell Her It Upsets You
Sometimes, talking to your friend about her behavior is the best way of changing her behavior. Telling her that you're upset by her actions may work, providing she's capable of listening to constructive criticism. If she cares about you, she'll be ready to change her ways.
5. Understand What is Causing Her to Lie
Do you understand what is making your friend tell lies? Perhaps she is worried about something or feels inadequate. She may pretend that she earns more money because she's trying to keep up with wealthier friends. Reassure her that her income isn't the most important thing and that you like her for what she brings to your friendship.
6. Don't Take Her Word for It
If you have a friend who tells lies, but you don't want to break off the friendship, don't take her word for it when she tells you anything. For instance, she may tell you that someone you know is pregnant when they aren't, and you put your foot in it when you congratulate them! Check facts for yourself, and avoid any faux pas or upsets.
7. Do You Want to Be Friends with a Chronic Liar
Ultimately, if your friend is a chronic liar you may need to ask yourself if that is the kind of person you want in your life. These people can be damaging and hard to trust. So if her lies are upsetting you, and she won't listen when you ask her to stop, you may need to reassess whether it's worth having her around.
We're all economical with the truth sometimes; if George Washington actually said 'I cannot tell a lie' he was probably lying! Have you ever been caught out in a lie?
Frequently Asked Questions
- Why do friends lie to us?
- Friends might lie for various reasons. Sometimes they want to protect us from the truth, avoid conflict, or maybe they’re ashamed of something. It’s not always about intending to hurt us.
- How can I tell if my friend is lying to me?
- There are a few signs that might suggest your friend is lying. Look for inconsistencies in their stories, excessive details, or body language cues like avoiding eye contact or fidgeting.
- What should I do if my best friend keeps lying to me?
- It’s tough when a close friend lies repeatedly. Have an honest conversation about how it makes you feel. If they continue to lie, you might need to reconsider the friendship’s health.
- Should I confront a friend if I know they're lying?
- Yes, but do it calmly. Let them know you value the friendship and explain how their lying affects you. It's important to communicate without being accusatory or aggressive.
- How do I move forward after a friend lies to me?
- First, take some time to process your feelings. Decide if you can forgive and rebuild trust, or if it’s best to distance yourself. Remember, your well-being comes first.