7 Ways to Deal with an Introvert Friend ...

One of the easiest ways to deal with an introvert is to never lie to them about what you’re trying to get them to do. If you want us to go to lunch with you and seven of your friends but you know we’ll say “no,” lying and saying it will just be us is not the way to go. Trust me, if you con me into going out with a huge group of people I don’t know, chances are I will almost always say “no” to anything else you ever ask me to do, fearing it will happen again. When I know that the event is important to my friend or family member, I will usually force myself to go for them. But I will ask a ton of questions. How many people will be there? What should I wear? What are you going to wear? Will I know anyone? If I can have all of those questions answered for me I will feel a billion times better about going.

You know how when you’re getting into a cold pool, some people jump in and get it over with and others ease in on the ladder? I am a ladder dweller. If you’re going to be throwing a party and there will be 30 people there, I’m probably not going to want to go. I hate being surrounded by people I’ve never met. The solution to this is a bit drawn out, but it would make me far more comfortable and much much more likely to attend your party. I’m usually okay with one or two people I’ve never met. So let’s say we go out to lunch with two of your friends, then have drinks with another two. Now when you invite me to your party, there are four people there that I’ve already met and I’m much more likely to say yes than to think up a lame excuse as to why I can’t make it.

I don’t expect my super social friends to always want to hang out at home with me, or only go out one-on-one. But I also don’t want to always go out and do things in large groups of people (even if the group doesn’t seem large to you, it might to your friend). I like to alternate activities. If you hang out every Friday, one Friday is movie night at home, the next is bar hopping. That way everyone gets what they want without the other person being too overwhelmed (or underwhelmed).

You don’t have to be attached to my hip for the entire day, but for the first 15 minutes, do not wander away. For me, after 15 minutes, I’m more aware of my surroundings, I’ve kind of sized up who else is present and I’m far more comfortable than when we first walked in. I hate being dragged out to a place I’m unfamiliar with and the moment we enter, my companion darts off to go do something. This is especially true at a party or event where your friend doesn’t know anyone else. Go get a drink together, walk around, make introductions and then wander off if you want.

My husband, whom I love dearly, knew that I was not comfortable meeting strangers. This included his family. He thought the best way to get me past this would be a surprise trip to meet his entire family all at once while they were having a picnic. He picked me up from work and off we drove. I asked where we were going and he wouldn’t tell me. About halfway there he finally said we were going to a family picnic and everyone would be there, including his sister from out of state and her kids and his mom’s new boyfriend. Essentially, I had the beginnings of a panic attack. If I had known we were doing this I could have mentally prepared myself, gotten all of my jitters out, thought a little bit about what I would talk to them about, etc… Being thrown into a social gathering is not something any introvert loves, so no surprises. We need to be prepared.

Don’t get upset or mad or feel hurt when your introvert friend wants to drive separately from you. It isn’t because they don’t like riding with you, it’s because they know they may need to escape before you’re ready to leave and they don’t want to pull you away from the fun you’re having. We know ourselves and our thoughts and our comfort levels, so please don’t be offended, we are thinking of you too. I don’t want to be a party pooper or the friend nagging you to go home, I’d rather just leave when I’m ready to leave without ruining your fun.

Being an introvert doesn’t mean someone doesn’t like people. All people feel differently, regardless of whether they are introverted or extroverted. For me, however, being around large groups of people makes me feel uncomfortable or awkward, whereas I’m neither of those things when I’m with a small group of people. When I’m in large social gatherings full of people I’m unfamiliar with, I start to feel tired and I start longing to go home, but when I’m with a group of my friends I feel like I could go all night. People generally think I just don’t like people, but that’s not it at all. I love people, I just strongly prefer them to be in smaller groups instead of large crowds.

I know that it sounds like a lot of work goes into being friends with someone who is introverted, but trust me, it feels like a lot of work for us to be friends with you also. When it feels tedious for you to have to introduce us to all of your friends at separate times so that we’re comfortable with all of them in a larger setting, it’s also stressful and tiring for us to go out and do all of the things that you like to do. Every relationship has a little give and take. When the relationship involves an introvert and an extrovert, the give and take pull is just a little stronger on each side, that’s all! Do you have any suggestions for dealing with an introvert?