Wondering how to recognize signs that a friendship has run its course?
I have very few friends left from my childhood, and for the longest time I clung to certain friendships because they "had always been there" or "they were my best friend" (keyword there being were), and I needed to take the time to realize that certain friendships weren't worth hanging on to. I wish I had this list while I was figuring that out, so here it is, for anyone else who may be evaluating the relationships in their lives and deciding which ones to let go of...here's how to know when a friendship has run its course.
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If YOU HAVE to WATCH YOUR WORDS TOO CAREFULLY
Friends are friends, because they can act authentic when they're around each other. Of course everybody has her insecurities and friends who know how to handle them. But if you recognize that you have to control your words every time you're with your friend in order to prevent fights or awkward situations, and this happens very frequently, then it's time to re-think this friendship. If you can't be totally open, you have your answer to the question of how to know when a friendship has run its course.
If YOU'RE CONSTANTLY BEING MOCKED
Of course you should be able to make fun of each other. It's fun, it's healthy, and it helps not taking yourself too seriously.
But if you constantly find yourself in situations where your friend makes hurtful jokes about you in front of other people and continues doing that even if you've confronted her, it's definitely time to move on. Someone like that isn't worth your time.
Frequently asked questions
If ALCOHOL and DRUGS ARE a BIG PART of YOUR FRIEND'S LIFE
And a little bit of drinking is fine too. Everybody probably has been through those phases where you've partied too much, where you drank too much, where you've experimented. But there is a big difference between someone who goes through a phase and someone who can't go without booze or drugs.
And let me tell you one thing, even if you don't drink like her or take drugs with her, her behavior will still affect you. If you don't get bored after a while, you will try to ignore her behavior, you will start to feel that you have to do things you don't really want to do in order to keep up with her.
It may sound boring and cliché, but someone who drinks and takes drugs on a regular basis will change for the worse. And sooner or later you will too, because you will start to feel either guilty of not having done something sooner if they fuck up, or you will follow their lead, because you can't take the hollow blah, blah.
Sure, a wild night out is something many experience, but when it's the norm rather than the exception, it's worrying. There's a shadow that falls over friendships tied to substance––things get messy, trust erodes, and the good times often lead to bad endings. You'll find yourself in a cycle of excuses and worry, irrespective of whether you partake or not. And the influence is powerful; you may soon find yourself mirroring habits you would have previously never considered, even if just to maintain that connection. But at what cost? The risk isn't worth the fleeting thrill.
If IT'S ALWAYS about HER
She keeps interrupting you when you talk in order to talk about what's on her mind. When you're in the middle of a conversation she always picks up her phone to send text messages. She is never there when you really need her and she is making you feel miserable when you confront her, saying that you are the one being selfish. Those are all signs that your friend doesn't really care about you.
Of course it can happen that she isn't there when you need her because she has other things on her mind, but good friends care and look out for each other and when things get rough you should be able to depend on her. Always!
If She TALKs behind YOUR BACK
Gossiping is fun. But gossip about you created from your "best" friend is hurtful. The first time you might think that it wasn't her intention to hurt you by talking about you. The second time you might think the other person must have got it wrong. All of a sudden you're not really comfortable telling your friend important things, because you're afraid that she is going to run to the next random person to share your private conversations. Friends don't do that!
