What exactly is a 'frenemy'?

A frenemy is someone who pretends to be your friend but is actually in constant competition with you or secretly doesn't have your best interests at heart. It's like they're always trying to one-up you, and it can be really draining.

Why do some friends become competitive?

There are tons of reasons! Some people feel insecure and need to compete to feel better about themselves. Others might be jealous of what you have — whether it’s your success, relationships, or even your personality. And some just love the thrill of competition, regardless of its impact on the friendship.

How can I tell if my friend is competing with me?

Look for patterns in their behavior. Do they always seem to downplay your achievements or try to one-up your stories? Do they act differently around you when you've accomplished something big? If you constantly feel like you're in some kind of competition, trust your gut – that’s a big sign!

Is it possible for competitive friends to change?

It's possible, but it can be tricky. Open communication is key. If you feel comfortable, have a heart-to-heart about how their behavior is affecting you. Sometimes people aren't even aware they're being competitive. But be prepared: not everyone is willing or able to change.

What should I do if I realize my friend is a frenemy?

First, trust your feelings. It's important to protect your own well-being. You might want to distance yourself and invest more energy into friendships that feel supportive and genuine. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not those who bring you down.

9 Alarming Signs That Your Friend is a Frenemy ...

Ladies don't ignore these potential signs your friend is a frenemy! A frenemy is someone who pretends to be your friend but is actually your enemy. In my experience, it hasn't always been obvious that I was dealing with a frenemy. But if you are dealing with emotions like jealousy, inferiority and resentment on a semi-regular basis it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship. You may want to ignore the signs your friend is a frenemy, but it's better to face it now than later.

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Gut Feeling

One of the signs your friend is a frenemy is the gut feeling you get that is screaming this person doesn't have your best interest at heart. Don't ignore your intuition when dealing with people; you have it for a reason. When you deny your gut feeling only to find out that it was right all along, you are denying yourself and not being honest with yourself. You deserve better, but you have to learn to trust your gut!

Related: 10 Ways to Spot a Frenemy ...

Not Happy for You

Not Happy for You I have had people in my life that were okay being around me when life wasn't going so well for me, but as soon as something positive happened they couldn't be happy for me. I wanted them to celebrate with me, but instead they would bash what was going right for me or hate on my new found happiness, be it a person or event. A true friend will be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on, as well as someone to celebrate your success.

Frequently asked questions

: A frenemy is someone who pretends to be your friend but is actually in constant competition with you or secretly doesn't have your best interests at heart. It's like they're always trying to one-up you, and it can be really draining.
: There are tons of reasons! Some people feel insecure and need to compete to feel better about themselves. Others might be jealous of what you have — whether it’s your success, relationships, or even your personality. And some just love the thrill of competition, regardless of its impact on the friendship.
: Look for patterns in their behavior. Do they always seem to downplay your achievements or try to one-up your stories? Do they act differently around you when you've accomplished something big? If you constantly feel like you're in some kind of competition, trust your gut – that’s a big sign!
: It's possible, but it can be tricky. Open communication is key. If you feel comfortable, have a heart-to-heart about how their behavior is affecting you. Sometimes people aren't even aware they're being competitive. But be prepared: not everyone is willing or able to change.
: First, trust your feelings. It's important to protect your own well-being. You might want to distance yourself and invest more energy into friendships that feel supportive and genuine. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not those who bring you down.

Cruel Comments

Cruel Comments We all have opinions and that's fine. I know that you have heard the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I need my friends to be honest with me, but I don't need the people close to me to be mean to me. If you have a "friend" who makes cruel or mean comments about you, whether it's to your face or behind your back, they aren't your friend.

Talks behind Your Back

Talks behind Your Back Since we are on the subject, a friend won't talk about you behind your back. It seems like women are naturally inclined to gossip, really people are, but friendship should be built on trust and you can't trust a gossiper. A good rule is to not say anything about a person that you wouldn't say if they were standing next to you. I've been on both ends of this situation, being gossiped about and the one who gossiped, and it only leads to pain.

Criticizes You

Criticizes You This can be similar to making cruel comments but is slightly different. Have you noticed that no matter what you do it's never as good as your friend? Somehow they are always better than you and you just can't get things right. If this is the case, they are probably criticizing you and you should find a way to talk to them about it. If they are a friend, they will listen to you. If they aren't, don't be surprised if they dismiss what you have to say.

Competes with You

Competes with You The first time I got a smart phone I made the mistake of posting it to my Facebook page because I was so excited. The next day I went to work and someone I thought was a friend came to my desk with the exact same phone and even the same phone case and color. She bought it because she never wanted me to have anything nicer than her and made sure I knew. This wasn't a one time thing, it was a pattern that I finally recognized as a twisted competition she had with me.

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This behavior screams insecurity and may stem from their internal struggles with self-worth. It's like they're playing a game where they must outdo you to feel good about themselves. But friendship isn't a competition; it’s about support and celebration. Be wary if this escalates beyond material items into competing over other aspects of life, like relationships or career achievements. It’s exhausting and can create a toxic environment where one's triumphs and milestones lose their joy. A true friend finds happiness in your happiness, not a checklist for one-upmanship.

Self Centered

Self Centered A friendship should be a two way street. You should be there for your friend and they should be there for you. A frenemy doesn't understand that and if you need something, don't be surprised if they aren't around. Or if they are around physically, don't be surprised if their thoughts aren't with you. I once had a frenemy who no matter what, could not listen to me talk about anything having to do with me and would always find a way to turn the conversation back towards herself. She was self-centered and not capable of being a caring friend.

Dirt Digger

Dirt Digger "Hey remember that one time in college when you…" A frenemy loves to remind you of your failures and memories that should be left in the past. They love to dig up dirt because they aren't your friend, they are your enemy. A friend is someone who loves at all times, ladies.

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Using backhanded compliments or sly remarks, a frenemy thrives on making you feel insecure under the guise of humor or nostalgia. They'll highlight mistakes or intimate secrets from your past that you're not proud of, often at social gatherings or in front of others to catch you off guard. Their intent isn't to reminisce on old times fondly but to subtly diminish your achievements or growth since then. True friends understand that the past is not an arsenal for mockery or shaming but a shared journey from which both of you have evolved.

Sabotage

A friend will want you to be the best version of yourself. A frenemy loves to sabotage your life. They will do this by getting you off your eating or workout plan, tempting you to spend money that you don't have, hating on your boyfriend who is great to you and more. They sabotage because they aren't your friend, they are your enemy.

I used to think that I didn't have enemies because I made it a point to love everyone, at least try to anyway. But the truth is that we all have to deal with enemies. There are people in this world who won't like you no matter what you do. Have you ever had to deal with a frenemy or bold faced enemy?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

The whole frenemy thing does get old after a whole though...

I have a friend who checks ALL these boxes. I confronted her and she told me I don't know what I'm talking about, I take things too personally, and I'm the bitch for confronting her. And yet she still acts like my friend. How do I get her to leave me alone??

Shamoh, in elementary I had friends. I think it just takes time sometimes...

I have this one friend that is literally always in competition with me no matter what it is, clothes, hair, money, boys, who has a better life talk about annoying!

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