Do you need some tips on how to stop being a doormat? Feeling that people are always taking advantage of you isn't nice, but it's up to you to stop allowing them to do so. Nobody can treat you like a doormat unless you let them! So try these tips on how to stop being a doormat, and learn to say no …
1. Stick to Your Guns
The first step on learning how to stop being a doormat is to start being firm. When asked to take on yet another project or give someone a ride that's miles out of your way, your automatic reaction may be to say yes. But inside you're fuming at them - and yourself for being such a pushover. Say you can't oblige, and stick to that position, whatever pressure they put on you.
2. Anticipate
People will often come up with another suggestion when you refuse their request. So if you can't take them shopping on Saturday, they'll suggest another day instead. Work out what their likely comeback will be, and be ready with another refusal or reason why you can't oblige.
3. Don't Feel Guilty
Don't feel guilty because you can't or won't give in to someone's demands. If they know that they can make you feel guilty, people will play on that. Before you know it, you've ended up doing exactly what you didn't want to do. Remember that being a doormat isn't positive for you, and you don't owe anyone any favors.
4. Be Unavailable
Sometimes the best tactic is to simply be unavailable. If you know that you'll always be called first to cover any extra hours at work, and you don't want to do the extra shift, switch off your phone. Or if the PTA at your kids' school always expects you to organise everything, tell them you have other commitments.
5. Have a Good Reason
One way to counteract constant demands is to have a good reason why you can't give in to their request. 'I'm sorry, I don't have time after work,' or 'the weekend is our family time' is a reasonable answer. This is useful if you find it hard to shake off the feeling that you have to say yes.
6. Show Them It's Unacceptable
If people really are pushing you too far in their expectations, show them that it is unacceptable to expect you to do so much. If you're the one in the family who does everything for elderly parents, tell your siblings that everyone should do their bit.
7. Just Say No
Finally, remember that you don't have to explain yourself. You can give reasons why you can't help out with a request, but you don't have to do so. Saying no is your right. It can really be quite liberating to simply say, 'No, I can't,' and leave it at that. If people are used to you always saying yes, they will probably be too shocked to argue when you say no!
Feeling that you're treated like a doormat can be immensely frustrating. Ultimately, you're the one who has the power to stop it. People will only make use of you if you let them get away with it. You've set a precedence that you have to break. Do you feel that people treat you like a doormat?
Frequently Asked Questions
- How can I recognize if I'm being treated like a doormat?
- Notice if you're often taken advantage of, ignored, or feel drained from always saying yes to others at your own expense.
- What’s a simple way to start setting boundaries?
- Begin by politely saying no to small requests that don't feel right and gradually build your confidence to enforce larger boundaries.
- How do I handle guilt when I start standing up for myself?
- Remember that your needs are just as important as others'; feeling guilty is normal but will lessen as you practice self-respect.
- What can I do to boost my self-esteem?
- Engage in positive self-talk, surround yourself with supportive people, and celebrate your accomplishments, big or small.
- How do I stop people from taking advantage of my kindness?
- Clearly communicate your limits and be consistent in enforcing them, so others know what behavior you won’t accept.
- Is it okay to prioritize my needs over others sometimes?
- Absolutely—self-care is essential, and taking care of yourself enables you to support others more effectively.
- How can I deal with someone who constantly disrespects my boundaries?
- Be assertive and firm; if they continue, consider distancing yourself to protect your emotional well-being.
- What role does communication play in preventing being a doormat?
- Clear, honest communication helps others understand your limits and reduces misunderstandings or exploitation.
- Can professional help support me in overcoming this issue?
- Yes, therapists or counselors can provide strategies and support to build assertiveness and self-worth.
- How long does it take to stop being a doormat?
- Change varies per person but with consistent effort and self-compassion, noticeable improvements often occur within weeks to months.