10 Things Not to Tweet about ...

Aside from my 88-year-old grandmother, everyone, everyone is tweeting these days. But I’ve noticed some troubling trends on Twitter recently, and some of them have made me think twice about my own tweets. Maybe there ought to be a new reality show called What Not to Tweet… but in the meantime, this article ought to suffice. Here are 10 things not to tweet about.

1. Gossip about Co-workers

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Before you post that 140-character critique of your boss’s new “power suit,” or the office hottie’s unbelievably gorgeous eyes, or your irritation at that girl from Accounting’s nails-on-a-chalkboard laugh, consider that these people, and other co-workers, might see the tweet, too. Wouldn’t it be embarrassing to get canned over an off-the-cuff tweet? Such gossip is definitely one of the things not to tweet, especially if your resume needs updating.

2. Vacation Plans

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Boasting about vacation plans to your friends and family in person is one thing, but tweeting about them is something else. Sure, your followers (NOT “tweeps”) will be jealous, too, but posting specifics might also encourage a tech-savvy burglar to break in while you’re gone.

3. Risky Hobbies

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Among your followers might also be a lurking insurance agent, so you may also want to think twice about tweeting photos of you sky-diving or bungee-jumping or rock-climbing. Also, if you’ve cited an injury as a reason to collect disability, these hobby photos might not just lead to a raise in premium rates, but a fraud investigation, too.

4. Racy Photos or Messages

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Here’s a good rule to think about when you’re wondering whether that cleavage or bootie shot might be un-tweetable — if you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see it, you shouldn’t tweet it. Just as Anthony Weiner… or any other politician or celeb whose Twitter feed included a racy photo or two, intentional or not. This would be an episode of What Not to Tweet all on its own.

5. Drunk Tweets

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What’s even worse than drunk-dialing or texting your ex at 3 a.m.? Tweeting it for the rest of the world to see. We’ll find it pathetic and amusing, but when you sober up the next day, you’ll only find it embarrassing.

6. Cries for Attention

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Here’s another of the things not to tweet: desperate cries for retweets or followers. First of all, none of your existing followers will actually retweet, and second, they’ll be annoyed with your repeated requests, and may unfollow you in the end. Another related annoyance? Fishing for compliments via Twitter… don’t post a photo of you all dressed up for a night out and caption it with something like “I look so fat!”

7. Bodily Functions

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Straight up: No one, not a single one of your followers, will care that you’ve just pooped. With the exception of some random poop-fetish creepster, who you wouldn’t want to fuel anyway. So no! Bodily functions are certainly among the things not to tweet. Eww!

8. Celeb Retweets

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There’s a reason I don’t follow Kim Kardashian or Britney Spears. It’s because I don’t care what they say. So stop retweeting whatever inane drivel celebs might post, because again, it may just earn you an unfollow. The exception, of course, is if the celeb has tweeted something profound (unlikely) or hilarious (highly likely) or ridiculously dumb (also highly likely).

9. Pictures of Your Food

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I like Instagram as much as the next Tweeter, but another episode of What Not to Tweet would also center around photos of food. I actually enjoy photos of unusual dishes or exceptional presentations, but your half-eaten burrito from Taco Bell? No thank you. Your morning bowl of oatmeal? Not unless the oats somehow resemble Conan O’Brien or something.

10. Family Drama

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There are two reasons your family drama is best left off Twitter. First, tweeting about family issues makes for a good episode of Jerry Springer but stomach-turning reading in 140 characters. Second, if you wouldn’t say it to your second cousin’s face, why tweet about her recent affair or botched nose job? It’s petty and will only lead to MORE family drama.

With so many things not to tweet, what’s left, you might ask? Go ahead and post amusing updates, accomplishments, and pics of your dog. But please, keep these tips in mind when you’re tweeting, or you might end up on an episode of What Not to Tweet. Which of these annoys you the most on Twitter? Or do you have another recommendation of something best left off Twitter? Do share!

Top Image Source: zeefashionista.blogspot.in

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