All Women's Talk

7 Signs You're Being Undermined by a Friend ...

By Alison

Have you ever missed the signs you're being undermined by a friend? Sometimes the very people we trust the most are not behaving as a friend should. People may deliberately try to undermine you, or not even be aware that they're doing it. But sadly your friend may not really be that good for you. Here are the signs you're being undermined …

1 They Undermine Others

One of the signs you're being undermined is that they do it with other people. If they behave like this with someone else, take it as a warning sign. They could very well be doing the same to you. Who knows what they're saying behind your back? And if you know for a fact that they talk about you behind your back, ditch them - a true friend would never do that.

2 Second-Hand

You're hearing comments concerning you from other people that just aren't true, and the information is coming from your friend. Perhaps they think that what they're saying won't get back to you. If you tell them something in confidence, and they pass it on to others, you really can't trust them.

3 Nice but Negative

Be wary if your friend has a habit of saying apparently nice things that aren't so nice when you really look at them. Some people are skilled at cloaking their true meaning with compliments or concern. This is a way of having a dig at you while appearing nice, and can have a serious effect on your confidence. Because it must be true if your friend says it, right?

4 Puts You down

Sometimes the undermining tactics aren't so subtle. Many of us have had a friend who is always putting us down. If you think about it, you'd wonder why you're friends with them. This kind of behaviour often stems from a lack of confidence; they make themselves feel better by putting you down. A real friend would never want to make you feel bad about yourself.

5 Your Weak Point

Undermining friends are probably very familiar with your weak points. They know exactly what chips away at your confidence and will use that knowledge against you. This is the type of friend you really don't need. Real friends will reassure you and help you build your confidence up.

6 Driving a Wedge

One point that undermining friends will often work on is undermining your relationship. They will attempt to drive a wedge between you and your partner, and try to convince you that he is not the one for you. This may be because they want to be the focus of your attention and don't like someone else having a claim on you. They may also try to be your best friend and slowly push out your other friends.

7 Sabotage

Attempts at undermining you may extend to outright sabotage. Everything from your career to your love life will be in their sights. They don't want you achieving something that they haven't managed or doing better than them in any way. They'll try to stifle your ambition and drive.

If you have an undermining friend, work out whether they don't realise what they're doing or if they are working against you. If it's the former, you can explain to them how you feel when they undermine you. If it's the latter, the friendship isn't worth having. Have you had a friend who behaved like this?

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