Being a child of divorce myself, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the awful situations that have been a part of my life that wouldn’t have occurred had I not been a child of divorce. With more than seven years under my belt, I’ve had a lot of time to think about the bad parts. Looking back, though, there have also been a few positives to being a child of divorce that people don’t often think of. Whether you’re going through a divorce and are worried about your children, or are simply a child of divorce looking to commiserate with me, there’s definitely something on this list that you’ll relate to somehow.
Anyone who tries to make the argument that divorce is never good for children has obviously never lived in a hostile home environment. I think every child of divorce will agree that two peaceful homes are worlds better than one home full of anger. While I didn’t think so initially, being a child of divorce is great simply because your life becomes much calmer and more peaceful.
This is one of the most neglected benefits of being a child of divorce in my opinion. I, and many other children of divorce, have developed nearly unparalleled packing skills as a result of packing up our belongings every other Thursday for years on end. For example, if you told me I was going on a surprise ten-day trip in a few hours, I could be packed and ready to go in a half hour and wouldn’t forget anything. It may be one of the sillier benefits of being a child of divorce, but I think it’s one of the most useful.
Another silly benefit to divorce, all children love the whole “two holidays” part of it. Your birthday and Christmas gifts are suddenly doubled in amount, as well as the celebrations. It may sound frivolous and materialistic, but when you’re a kid it’s one of the only upsides to being a child of divorce that you care about.
I personally detest change, so while I can’t fully attest to this, I do know that being a child of divorce has helped me learn to cope with change immensely over the years. It’s taught me that some things are just out of my control and you just have to learn to cope with them, even if you don’t want to all the time. I’ve learned over the years that not every unsavory change is the end of the world, even if it felt like it at the time. I truly don’t think I’d be able to cope with change as well as I’ve learned to over the years if it hadn’t been for my parents’ divorce.
One of the best parts of my parents’ divorce is the relationship that I formed with my brother as a result of it. A lot of the time it felt like we only had each other, especially at the beginning. I don’t think that a lot of people realize that while you still have a family after your parents' divorce, it’s not the same. You have a family at your mom’s house and a family at your dad’s house. You spend half of your time with your mom and half of your time with your dad. The only person you spend all of your time with is your sibling. Your sibling becomes your best friend and confidante almost by default. Usually they’re the only person who gets what you’re going through, because they are in the exact same situation. I know I wouldn’t have the relationship I have with my brother had my parents not divorced, so this has always been one of my favorite benefits of being a child of divorce.
It may sound absolutely absurd, but you really do form better relationships with your parents as a result of divorce. You get to spend more time one-on-one with them, especially because there are now court-sanctioned hours in which you are forced to spend them time with each of them. I’m joking, of course, but in all seriousness, you really do grow closer to each of your parents.
Resiliency is by far the greatest trait I accumulated as a result of my parents’ divorce. Going through something so difficult, especially the younger you are, just helps you to be more resilient as an adult. Going through a traumatic experience as a child, no matter the situation, helps children grow up and experience real-life trials and tribulations. Being a child of divorce has undoubtedly prepared me and made me more resilient in the issues I’ve experienced as an adult.
Are you a child of divorce? What do you think are some positives to it? Let me know in the comments!