There's nothing quite like encountering a pretentious person, is there? You know the type. They've got an endless supply of pompous tales, a treasure trove of insufferable anecdotes, and somehow manage to bring up their ivy-league education or artisanal kombucha-making skills in every conversation. As if being in 2024 isn't tough enough-with AI taking over the world and us still figuring out how to do a decent Zoom call-we now have to navigate the minefield of interacting with these self-important individuals.
My own run-ins with the symbol of pretentiousness began in university. Oh, the stories I could tell you! From Harold, the guy who only drank single-origin Ethiopian coffee and refused to partake in our humble dorm-room instant brew, to Lila, my roommate who narrated her "experiences" at private art galleries as though attending the local farmer's market were beneath her. It was, to put it mildly, exhausting. After years of practice and a few slip-ups that earned me cold glares, I've put together a foolproof list of polite strategies to deal with these charming characters.
First off, you might find some insight in "Mastering the Fine Art of Fake Interest". This chapter will dive into the nuances of maintaining your sanity while nodding appreciatively at Arin's 45-minute soliloquy on 16th-century tapestries. Believe me, there's an art to the well-timed "Oh, really? Fascinating!"
Simultaneously, we can't overlook the importance of chapter 4's “Redirect and Conquer.” Because sometimes the best way to handle a boastful braggart is to steer the conversation into safer, more benign territory. Mastering the art of smooth conversational pivots will not only save you from endless boredom but can even add a little spice to your dialogue.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. We all need a solid foundation, and that’s exactly what you’ll find in chapter 2, where we discuss "Subtle Signals of Disinterest." Nothing says, "I'm not buying what you're selling," like a well-timed glance at your phone or casually bringing up the latest episode of a reality TV show you know they find abominable.
Fact is, when you're rubbing elbows with snobs and show-offs, it's all about having the right mix of politeness and cheek. A dash of humor, a sprinkle of disengagement, and a generous serving of clever conversational skills can make dealing with these folks slightly less unbearable. So grab your finest imported cheese, pour yourself a glass of vintage wine (or, if you’re like me, some store-brand cola), and get ready to arm yourself with the sharpest social tactics of 2024.
Now, onto the nitty-gritty details, shall we? Buckle up; it’s going to be an amusing ride!
1. Ignore the Behavior
With any type of bad behavior, you have to ignore it when you want to put people in their place. Anything else is just negative reinforcement, and it will encourage the behavior. With pretentious behavior in particular, the person wants acknowledgment and attention. They crave it. Withholding it is the best way to defeat them. As with any other annoying quirk, once they see they aren't getting the reactions they need, they'll stop – or at least move on to someone else.
Pretentious behavior is usually a way for people to get attention. They might act like they know everything or act superior to others. Withholding attention is the best way to deal with this behavior. Once the person sees that they aren't getting the reaction they want, they will stop.
2. Maintain Indifference
There are some things you just can't ignore, however. Your own personality might make it impossible (I'm guilty of this, I admit), but you may also be dealing with a team member or a family member whom you simply can't ignore. In that case, pull out another sharp weapon: indifference. This way you're kind of ignoring the behavior, if not the person, and showing that you're bored by those know-it-all comments and attempts at superiority.
3. Stand up for Your Opinions
Pretentious people generally need to be right all the time, even when they're not right. To them, their opinions are as good as facts because they're experts in everything. They know more than you, they work harder than you, they're cooler than you – they're superior in every way. Or so they think, of course, but in truth they're rarely superior to anyone. Certainly, you are not inferior, and neither are your opinions. Stand up for them, don't change your mind or get backed into a corner. Moreover, make it a point to say that everyone is entitled to an opinion, and every opinion is valuable to the person expressing it. That should go a long way toward shutting down the pretentious behavior.
4. Never Act Impressed
Because pretentious people crave attention, they also want you to be impressed with everything they do. As an example, the Better Half works with someone who recently accepted a part time position in a bookstore. This has made her an unequivocal expert in literature, and she has a tendency to bulldoze over and argue with anyone who doesn't automatically agree that every book she loves is the Best Book Ever. Have you experienced a similar behavior? Never act impressed by it. It's not impressive. It's half-assed and harebrained. You don't have to say that, but maintain your cool, cordial indifference and let the perpetrator know you aren't at all impressed.
Pretentious people crave attention and want you to be impressed with everything they do. They may bulldoze over and argue with anyone who doesn't automatically agree that every book they love is the Best Book Ever. You can maintain your cool, cordial indifference and let the perpetrator know you aren't at all impressed.
5. Confront the Behavior
The person you're dealing with may not realize that their behavior is inappropriate or annoying. Then again, maybe they know it is and just assume know one will ever call them on it. Call them on it. Don't do it angrily, nastily, or rudely. Take the person aside and let them know how their behavior affects the people around them. Don't do it in front of a group. You might be tempted to embarrass them publicly, but that feeds into the need for attention and validation, plus it gives them the chance to play victim. A quiet chat is better, because it's respectful and allows the person to save face.
6. Assert Your Authority
You know things too. This is similar to standing up for your opinion, but you also need to assert your authority as a fellow human being with intelligence, knowledge, and expertise. No one should ever try to put anyone else down or make them feel stupid. Don't allow the pretentious person in your life to get away with trying to – and politely but quietly stand up for other targets as well.
If someone is trying to make you feel stupid, or put you down, don't let them get away with it. Politely but quietly stand up for yourself, and for other people who might be targets of the same behavior. Show that you are just as intelligent and knowledgeable as the other person, and that you won't tolerate being treated disrespectfully.
7. Ask “Why?” Incessantly
Question a pretentious person about their claims and fact-forced opinions, and they'll almost always back down. That's generally because they don't have anything to back up their overblown assertions. Besides that, if you ask why, for example, your friend insists that Pride and Prejudice is a boring, horrible book or why your brother-in-law knows for a fact that your favorite show sucks, they'll both stop short. Questioning the opinions they pass off as factual knowledge throws them off keel and leaves them floundering, simply because they're likely unaccustomed to being questioned.
You don't have to be rude or confrontational to put people in their place. In fact, it's better if you remain tactful and considerate, because this will further emphasize the other person's pretentious behavior. Always remember, as well, that this person may not even realize how they come across to others. In the event that they do, however, shutting down this horrid behavior in a polite, detached way is far and away the best approach. What's your behavior pet peeve? How do you deal with it when someone exhibits it?
Frequently Asked Questions
- What does it mean to be pretentious?
- Being pretentious means acting more important than you really are or showing off in a way that makes you seem better or smarter than others.
- How can I tell if someone is being pretentious?
- Someone might be pretentious if they talk a lot about their own success, use fancy words just to impress, or act like they know everything about a topic.
- Is it rude to confront pretentious behavior?
- Not if you do it politely. Confronting someone about their behavior can be helpful if it’s done in a kind and respectful way.
- What's a polite way to deal with a pretentious person?
- You can nicely ask them questions about what they’re saying, which can encourage them to explain more and maybe realize they are exaggerating.
- Can I ignore someone who is being pretentious?
- Yes, you can ignore them or change the subject if you don't want to deal with their behavior.
- Should I be direct when someone is being pretentious?
- Being direct can be good, but try to be gentle. You can say that you see things differently or that you're interested in other points of view, too.
- Can humor help when talking to a pretentious person?
- Yes, a little joke can lighten the mood. Just be careful that your humor isn’t mean-spirited.
- How can I avoid being pretentious myself?
- Stay humble, listen to others, and don't brag. It's okay to share your achievements, but don't overdo it, and make sure to show interest in others, too.
- What if a pretentious person doesn't change their behavior?
- You can't force someone to change, but you can decide how much you want to interact with them. If their behavior bothers you, you might choose to spend less time with them.
- Is it worth it to call out pretentiousness?
- It depends. If the person is a friend or colleague and you think they might be open to feedback, it could be worth a conversation. But if it's someone you don't know well, it might be better to let it go.
- What should I do if a pretentious person upsets me?
- Take a deep breath and remember their behavior isn't about you. If you can, express your feelings calmly. If not, it might be best to walk away and find someone else to talk to.
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