I have the world’s most annoying roommate. It’s true. She’s dedicated to being the single most irritating person on the planet, and though she does have several redeeming qualities (among them that she wears the same shoe size as me), I don’t know how much longer I can live with her. To help all future potentially irksome roommates achieve their goals of being as annoying as she is, I’ve compiled a list of some of the more irritating things she does. Here are 8 fun ways to annoy you roommate (unless it’s me).
1. Turn up the Volume
When your roommate leaves, turn up the volume on her TV and/or radio, so the next time she turns them on, they’ll be really loud. Or, turn the volume way down, for a similar annoying effect. Better still, turn up the volume of your own television or radio, especially if your roommate is trying to sleep.
2. Use All the Hot Water
This is one of the all-time best ways to annoy your roommate. Take long, leisurely showers, making sure to drain every drop of hot water from the tank. This is especially effective if you get in the shower immediately before you know your roommate needed the shower, and has something important to do after, like work or a date. If you’re really feeling obnoxious, leave just enough hot water that he or she will have enough time to lather up with shampoo, but won’t have enough to rinse.
3. Unplug Everything
To be particularly frustrating as a roommate, develop a sudden, inexplicable, and oddly temporary interest in energy conversation. Attempt to save energy by unplugging everything in the house, including but not limited to the microwave, TV, and various floor lamps. Don’t tell your roommate ahead of time that you’re doing this, so she can enjoy being mystified about why nothing in the house works.
4. Sing, a Lot… and Loudly
This fun way to annoy your roommate really only works if you have abysmally bad taste in music. If you do, proceed. Sing your favorite song, or hum it, loudly, all the time. If possible, sing it off-key.
5. Hide/borrow Her Socks
Let’s face it. We all need socks, but if your roommate has enough, you may never have to buy another pair again. Simply help yourself to her socks, secure in the knowledge that once you’ve worn them, she won’t want them back. If you’re particularly skanky, you might as well borrow her underwear, too. She won’t want those back, either.
6. Squeeze the Toothpaste
Right on the back of the toothpaste tube is the advice that one should squeeze the tube from the bottom, not the middle. So here’s another fun way to annoy your roommate, especially if she’s slightly OCD: squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, and leave dabs of it in and on the sink.
7. Cook with Curry and Garlic… Often
Regardless of whether or not what you cook is actually edible, you can annoy your roommate by cooking with lots of garlic and/or curry every night. This is an especially fun way to annoy your roommate if she plans to have company later, or if she is allergic to garlic or curry.
8. Get a White Pet
If she owns any article of clothing that is black in color, another fun way to annoy your roommate would be to acquire a white pet, one that sheds. A lot. Allow this white pet unfettered access to your roommate’s closet, and, for added hilarity, hide her lint roller.
With so many interesting and varied ways to annoy your roommate, there’s nothing stopping you from de-throning my roommate and taking her title as Most Irritating Roommate Ever. Unless, of course, you already have an equally annoying roommate… in which case, which of these annoying things does she do to you? Or does she have another habit that makes you cringe? Do tell!
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